


Something Borrowed, Something Bruh

by orphan_account



Category: Internet Personalities, Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Round Robin, Slow Burn, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-24 01:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20018236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What better way to mock the Jake/Tana stunt marriage than to stage their own?





	1. Holy Meat-rimony (tonsilfoodcourt / @tastes-like-piss)

_Actually, I like minions now -_  
  
Cody sits back, looking at the footage he'd taken and finally sat down to edit. The adult response to Jake Paul, as he'd described it to Noel - the smart play. If only the smart play were the funny play, too. If only the smart play was satisfying, didn't make him feel like kind of a bitch.  
  
He considers. He has some jokes written for the hypothetical timeline where he claps back, too. He and Noel had gotten a lot of mileage out of that shit, had even written up a couple sketches. A concept for a diss track. Just dumb, fucking around type stuff, but funny.  
  
The idea of having real beef with Jake Paul, even Jake Paul past his prime, future has-been Jake Paul, is kinda amazing. A deal with the devil, sure (the possible credibility hit, getting thrown in a category with the likes of Ricegum and Logan - but the mainstream coverage, the eyes of 20 million plus people. E! News. _MTV!),_ but it's a satisfying one. Standing up for himself, even if it fucks Cody up with anxiety when he thinks about it too long.  
  
He's always doing this, letting the shit he's afraid of make him overcautious.  
  
Fuck it. Cody picks up his phone, dashes off a text to Noel, quick before he can reconsider. _wanna cyberbully Jake Paul with me?_

The _Hell yeah_ comes back almost immediately, like he knew it would.   
  
\--  
  
Cody hits 5 million subs the day Jake proposes. In a way it's hard not to blame Noel for the wedding twist. It's Noel, after all, who'd joked on _That's Cringe: I'll K-O Cody Ko_ that Tana's verse, Tana's loyalty, had seemed halfhearted.  
  
"Didn't you two used to be tight? Maybe she's throwing the game, maybe she's got a lil...something in her heart for the boy. A lil _what if,_ things coulda been different, I coulda been a Mong-heau for Cody Ko instead of this loser -"  
  
(Maybe it was a bad moment for the porn noises bit, but Cody's never gonna stop Noel from moaning his name that uhhhh compellingly.)  
  
So Jake had upped the ante, undeniable proof of solidarity between him and Tana. Fair play, if a fucking ridiculous one. Cody's pretty sure it's a move to end the chapter now that he's finally out of ideas - pull a big stunt that refocuses the spotlight purely on himself and his bride-to-be, Cody and Noel a footnote to be forgotten in the summer of #Jana.  
  
"It's _fucked up,"_ Cody is pacing his bachelor pad as he rants, stubs his toe on a surfboard he'd left lying in the living room instead of propped with its mates in the hall. Curses. "Ugh, I'm having a _bad fuckin day._ This can't be how it ends."  
  
"Why not, man?" Noel's face disappears for a moment, replaced by the ceiling of his own shitty single-guy apartment as he sets his phone down to spark up a joint. Cody hears him exhale, coughing a little, and he comes back into frame. "We roasted him, he and Tana looked foolish for a minute, and now the circus is on to the next act."

“I just thought - I don't know,” Cody pushes his bangs out of his face, grimaces. He's aware he's whining. He still does it, though. “I thought he'd try to fight me _at least._ What are we gonna do with that whole boxing sketch? Why’ve I been doing so much fuckin cardio?” 

Noel ignores that last question _(Because you're a fucking nightmare of neuroses and anxieties and a misdirected need for constant productivity, Cody, relax once in a while)_ and shrugs. “What do you wanna do, then, like keep going after him? Short of staging your own sham wedding I don't see - oh god. Is this what we've come to?” Cody loses sight of Noel's face behind his hands while he's processing whatever leap Noel just made. 

Cody catches up, eventually. “Oh, shit. Oh shit. We have to, that's fucking _funny._ And you were just saying we need a new tour theme.”

Noel’s face is back in view and then gone again, he fumbles the camera for laughing. “There's no fucking way - like, the _I'm Fuckin Gay...Married Tour?”_

 _“The Holy Meat-rimony Tour,”_ Cody corrects, always ready with a pun. He's wiping tears out of his eyes. “Where do you wanna go on our homie-moon?”

“Oh my god,” Noel’s expressions are harder to read over FaceTime but Cody knows that tone of voice and what it means. “I'm in, but you're the one in the dress, boy.” 

“Deal,” Cody’s already thinking logistics, errands they'll need to run to get a proposal sketch up within the day, but he grins. “I've got the better cans for it, anyway. Do you know a florist?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just getting us started. Henley is up next!
> 
> \- Piss / [@tastes-like-piss on tumblr](https://tastes-like-piss.tumblr.com) / [@tonsilfoodcourt on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonsilfoodcourt/works)


	2. Will You Marry Me, Bro? (henley / @codystits)

They spend the next few hours brainstorming ideas for their proposal video, knowing the sooner they get it out, the better. Some more extravagant ideas are bounced around, involving horse rentals, a skywriter, or setting up a last-minute surprise stand-up show just to recreate Jake’s onstage proposal, although they ultimately decide simpler is better. Less time spent filming and editing.

“He proposed with a ring pop, so it’s gotta be stupider than that,” Cody thinks aloud. 

“What about one of those vibrating cock rings?” and that idea sends them into a laughing fit, but they decide they want the video to stay monetized; no point in proposing if they aren’t getting ad revenue for it. 

—

The set is simple; some takeout on the coffee table in front of Noel’s couch, and Noel explains to his “hidden camera” that Cody’s about to arrive and he has a surprise for him. He opens one of the styrofoam containers, writes something in Sharpie, and then turns it around to reveal to the camera: “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” 

Cody comes into frame and sits down. “Here’s your food, man. I bought you some extra onion rings.”

“Hell yeah,” Cody says. He opens the box and stares for a moment, eventually breaking the silence with confused laughter. “What the fuck is this?”

“Well, we’ve been friends for awhile, and I thought it was time to take our relationship to the next step. Turn our bromance into a romance.” Noel grins the way he does when he knows he’s made a stupid joke.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Of course, dude, we already spend all our time together, might as well get married, right?”

Cody puts a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing as Noel grabs a small onion ring and drops to one knee. “Cody Kolodziejzyk, will you drop your wack-ass name and marry me?”

Cody wipes a fake tear off his face. “If I say yes, we don’t need to like, kiss or anything, right?”

“Just ‘cause we’re getting married doesn’t mean we gotta make it gay.”

—

The video goes up that night, titled “WE GOT ENGAGED! (not clickbait)” and Noel tweets it out with “so happy to announce my engagement to my bro @codyko”. Cody retweets with a series of heart emojis.

They eagerly watch the comments roll in, reactions varying from “sugar gay” to “is this real?” to “guess Cody’s visa is running out,” as well as plenty of comments about the obvious shade to Jake and Tana.

It ends up being the most viewed video on either of their channels (the only thing better than a fake proposal is a gay fake proposal).

—

When Devon texts Cody a joke about choosing Noel over him (but it’s cool as long as he gets to be the best man), Cody laughs, and he definitely doesn’t spend any time at all thinking about why he was so quick to jump on the idea of marrying Noel, and why he wouldn’t do the same thing with Devon if the situation had called for it.

—

Cody wakes up the next morning with a series of texts from Tana, who he’s surprised even has his number still.

“what the fuck is wrong with you  
you’re such a fucking asshole  
do you have to make everything about yourself?”

Cody tells her he doesn’t know what she’s talking about; she responds with an eye-rolling emoji and a “go fuck yourself.”

Tana tweets shortly after about haters using her engagement for clout.

Jake doesn’t tweet about them, but he does bring it up on the next Jake ‘n Logan video. 

“They’re clearly just doing it for attention.”

—

Truthfully, neither of them are completely sure how real the bit is. Discussions of actual consequences are relegated to the backburner as they both avoid having to have a serious conversation, but the unanswered questions are starting to throw some tension into the fun.

Cody is the one who breaks. “Are we going to actually do this?”

“I mean, we can fake a wedding. We don’t have to sign any paperwork.” 

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best, right?”

“Marrying me not worth a green card, huh?” Noel jokes, but Cody’s face actually lights up at the comment, imagining a future free from visa applications.

“Shit, you’re right. Fuck, dude, should we actually get married?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! You can find me [@codystits on tumblr](https://codystits.tumblr.com)


End file.
